I don't quite know what it was this evening that possessed me to get back on here, but I realize I haven't done that since the first post. So, I decided that I could grace the blog with a little update and substance.
Spring Semester is going (I daresay) infinitely better than Fall semester did. My classes have been more engaging, work is going well, and I've had a certain spark in my creativity as an artist and actor. I thought I would take a little time to discuss some things that have happened to me lately that are beginning to affect the way I am viewing the world and it's influence on me.
Intellectually speaking, I like to think I am a bit of an education buff. School has always been likable and important to me, and this semester one class in particular has reminded me of that: history. My history class so far has been an incredible experience, and I continue to learn more about myself every day because of it. My professor (Dr. Clybor, in the off-chance anyone cares for his name) has done a very good job in making his students care about what they are learning, and more importantly, what they think about what they learn. I most note today's discussion we had about socialism in that I truly began to realize where I stand politically/religiously, and why. More and more I am learning that I am a thinker that would have done well during the Enlightenment. I believe in equality (both social and economic), separation of church and state, governments as a social contract between state and citizen, the list goes on. But today's topic of socialism made me honestly think that I am one - no, not the socialist that today's uninformed masses see as terrorism-loving communists, but a socialist that sees a problem with the world and wants to see social change and a constant fight to make society better. I could probably talk for hours about what my being a bit socialist means, but I personally don't care too much for political and ideological banter - it causes too much contention in the world already.
While there is not a lot to say about my work (my "real" job, not my acting career), I do want to note quickly that I am still enjoying it, and that I find it rewarding in that I have truly come to appreciate people who work low-paying, low-appreciation jobs. Do I wish pay were better? Of course, I have bills to pay. However, I don't ever dread going to work. But I digress, on to a topic I can discuss more.
Now onto the topic where I could talk for pages upon pages, and will (it is the point of this blog, after all). My artistry has been sparked as of late. I had an epiphany not too long ago thanks to my movement class (Camille is doing wonders for me) where things just clicked. I was sick of this slump in my performing that I had been trapped in. The epiphany was this: Why does my age, class rank, or amount of training mean that I am any less capable, talented, and prepared than any of my colleagues? For a little back story here, we were doing some creative work with monologues in class (naturally I was working on an Iago piece I've chosen for my BFA audition at the end of March), and we were performing them in front of the class. Of course, the more confident upperclassmen got right up and volunteered to do theirs, and something in my mind just commanded me to jump up and follow them. It was a truly surreal moment when I did my piece and felt like I had finally truly connected to it. I've been working on this one for months now, and it always felt as if some piece was missing. But I got up and did it, connected with my character and myself, and the two just meshed. It was then that the epiphany dawned on me. I had a taste of what I can do, and now I'm never going to stop having my fill of my own capabilities.
I should give thanks to my colleagues within the theatre department, without your confidence and, I'll admit it, slight intimidation factor, I would not have realized what I am here to do - to become great. I believe I have locked on to the best talents of the people I work around, and am quickly learning to take them, adapt them to myself and become an even better performer. They say to steal from the best, but I believe you should steal the best from everyone. My fear of a certain Head of Acting has certainly sparked my drive as well, which has been a blessing in disguise. It is strange, but I haven't had such a desire to impress anyone for a long time. She has ignited that with me, and I am attempting to keep it running whenever I can. My career insists that I be charming, driven, memorable, and hardworking (yes, I'm an artistic prostitute, essentially) and I am currently evaluating where I stand on those things.
I could ramble on more and go into detail about my acting work lately, but I have decided that sharing whatever artistic secrets I may harbor, can stay with me until I am in danger of not performing again. Call it selfish, but while I have it, my technique and talent stay with me.
Josh
